Surprise!

 

This weekend I had a really big surprise realization.  I miss teaching the Gospel.  I mean I really, really, miss teaching.

A random thought flit across my brain during a song, wondering which talks would be the topics of our next several lessons, and I felt giddy at the idea of preparing those lessons.  Then complete sadness when I realized I wouldn't be doing any teaching.

I would NEVER have thought I'd miss standing in front of a group of women and teaching a class, but I really do.  It's so odd.  I miss the intense study, focus, and learning that comes as a result of preparing to teach a class.  I miss that the most.  And, yes, I could study with serious intensity on my own, but somehow it's not the same.  I still read the talks, and I still take notes during Conference, and in my Ensign.  It's just not the same.

And, because we're all friends, I'll even admit I miss the actual teaching part.  I grew to love when I could see understanding click into place, or when a Sister in the class would nod her head in acknowledgement of the truths being shared.  I loved the vantage point of standing in front and seeing all that knowledge and learning soak in.

I don't miss the nerves, or the butterflies, or the anxiety...that will never change, I'm sure.  But I do miss the learning, the sisterhood, and the love of the words of our Apostles and Prophet that came from my time teaching.

Who'd a thought? I never ever would have dreamed that my biggest fear would become a blessing I dearly miss.  Maybe one day I'll get to enjoy something similar again, until then....I will study and learn on my own, and be ever thankful for the opportunity I had to learn to love something I feared so fiercely.