Mothering, Me, and Mistakes

I really don't like Mother's Day. I think it stems from not liking attention, or people focused on me.  And that's the whole point of Mother's Day, isn't it?  I would much rather clean the kitchen than be the master of ceremonies-does that make sense?  (And just to clarify-I really don't like to clean, but it's better than all those people staring at you).  I dread Church on Mother's Day.  They make us stand up at the end of the service to be presented with a gift-chocolate bar, flower, plant, cinnamon roll, cookies, doesn't matter what the gift is--I HATE standing up and feeling like an idiot while I wait for some 15 year old who could care less to hand me a wilted carnation.  Makes me irritated just thinking about it, and itchy, right in that spot on your back that you can't reach, no matter how hard you try.

Guilt truly doesn't factor into my dislike of this day, I've thought about it this week, and I know I have many flaws-especially in the area of  Motherhood.  Yet I know all Mothers do, and I also know I am working consistently on  improving in those areas of my life, so I don't feel overwhelming guilt as I hear the raptures on Mothers around this time.  I mean, really, what else is the poor speaker supposed to say?  They had a wretched mother who beat them?  Nah, just wouldn't go over really well.  So I take it all with a grain of salt, I believe it's two pronged-1) I hate having a day that's all about me, it's exceedingly uncomfortable for me, and 2) this time of year is a constant reminder that my own mother is no longer here on this Earth, and while it's been a few years since her passing, there are moments when it feels like it's a fresh wound.

So, if I really feel that way, why am I writing this post?  Because my friend Jen (who I am lucky enough to know and love in real life and in blog land) posted an invitation on her blog, and she said she'd feel really badly if not very many people joined.  And frankly I love her too much to stand by with a blank blog while she's holding a linky party.

My views on Mother's Day took a complicated and painful dive after my own mother passed away a few years ago.  That part is hard, I still find myself at least once a week thinking "I need to tell Mom ......." and then I realize I can't, and it's painful.  My mom was the best grandma-she taught me how to love my kids with pure love.  She saw them through God's eyes, and always reminded me not too be so hard on them, to gently correct them.  She saw in them a bright future and endless possibilities.  I will always be thankful she saw them this way, and that I had the opportunity to see them through her eyes before she left this mortal life.

This is especially important because one of my biggest weaknesses as a Mother is that I expect great things from my children, I have set the bar high for them. In fact I have (what I have christened) our family motto up on the wall in the room where they settle down to do their homework it says

"Believe in the best, 

think your best, 

act your best, 

do your best, 

and never ever 

settle for 

less than your Best."  

Sometimes I am very hard on my children, and they I know they sometimes feel frustrated and unsure of themselves as I push them.   I believe the key is the word "your" I know they all have different abilities and talents, and I want them to be the best version of themselves they can be.  I give my children and my family 100% and I expect them to do the same.  More than that, I believe they have a divine responsibility to create the best version of themselves they can.  The Lord has blessed us with so much, he has given them intelligent minds, inquisitive natures, bodies that work in amazing ways, and spirits that are capable of so much.  To settle for less than we are capable of, I believe, is to be incredibly ungrateful to the Lord for all he has given us.  I have a strong, guiding belief in my Father in Heaven, and in my Savior Jesus Christ.  This faith is the center of my soul, the cornerstone of who I am, and as a mother, it is the anchor to all I am trying to teach, exemplify, and grow in my home.

Which in an odd, and somewhat ironic way, leads into what I believe is my strongest asset as a mother.  From the time my children were tiny I have taught them the gospel of Jesus Christ.  I have taught them to pray at all times, and in all places, to have a sincere and personal relationship with their Lord.  In our home we read the scriptures as a family every day, and hold family prayer twice a day.  Once a week we gather our children and hold Family Home Evening, where we teach more of the doctrine of our church.  We have the children take turns teaching the lessons, which gives them an opportunity to really learn for themselves, and as they teach I believe their own faith grows stronger.  I have sought, whenever possible, to use stories from the scriptures to teach my children life lessons, and to help them apply them to their own lives.  We talk of the foolish man and the wise man, what would have happened to Noah's family if they hadn't listened to their father, and on and on.  When they are fighting my children know I will ask them "who is the father of contention?" and pull open my Book of Mormon to 3 Nephi 11:29 and read with them.  When they are unkind we speak of the parable of the Good Samaritan, etc...  

I am making a valiant effort to make the gospel something present in every day of our lives, not just something we hear at a church we go to on Sundays.  Only time will tell if my children are absorbing this into the fiber of their beings.  I hope so.  I can think of no greater gift I wish to give my children than the beginnings of a testimony, and the tools to make it grow.  I want each of them to have a personal relationship with their Father in Heaven, and know-without a doubt-who they are, where they came from, and where they can choose to go in this life, and the next.  

I think that's part of why I push them so hard, I believe so strongly in who they are, I want them to recognize it as well, and it kills me when they don't.  I have been working diligently on this, however, and seeking ways to better tailor my mothering for each child in this department.  I recently discovered one of my kids does better when I make the suggestion, and walk away and let it simmer.  A couple days later I casually ask, and and about 85% of the time I am pleasantly surprised at the answer.  He needs to find his own way, and will push back if not given the opportunity to think and search on his own.  Another child needs to be taken by the hand and shown every option, to discuss every possible outcome, and wants--even needs to talk and talk and  talk.  That's a lesson for me, I really just want them to take my word for it, and do what I say.  But I'm learning.  I'm working on it.  I'm doing my best, and if that's what I ask of my children, how can I expect less (or more) of myself?