Humiliating or Humbling?

Today I did something I have been dreading. I tried to talk myself out of it. I can do it tomorrow, or maybe I should do it Friday. An evening might be a better time. Maybe if I don't think about it, it will go away, and I'll never have to do it. Maybe someone else will do it for me. Is there a way around, over, or under it?

Alas, there was no way but through it.

So, I gathered my courage, and I did it. And it hurt. It was awful. It was humiliating. At least, that's what I thought as it was happening, I never wanted to have to do it again. I hated every millisecond as I waded through the mire of the experience. Until I wondered, right in the midst of the thickest mire, is this humiliating, or humbling? What's the difference? Is it my pride that makes this humiliating? Is humiliation really that simple? Could it be that a desire to be better, to be perceived as more than we are, or maybe just more than the other person, leads to those awful feelings of humiliation? That humiliation is really just a symptom of pride, at least in this case?

I think so. I think my experience was actually humbling, not humiliating. To be humble is to be teachable, to be contrite, to be submissive to the Lord's will. To be humble is to learn. To be humble is to acknowledge all of those feelings, and learn from them.

I was humbled today, and I hope I remember. I hope I remember what it was to feel so inadequate. To feel such dependence on the Lord. To feel the comfort of the Lord as I reached for His help, and acknowledged that without it, I am nothing. To know that He heard me, as He always does. To feel peace. To feel humility.